The easiest thing you can do to make a difference on your college campus

Have you ever smiled at a baby who smiled back? 

It's a pretty wonderful feeling. 

And it's something I do every chance I get (so far no parents have thought I was crazy...at least...I don't think... ;))

I travel a lot and there are a lot of little kids flying in and out of my hometown airport (also the hometown of a famous mouse). 

And I love to smile at them. Because they always smile back. And it makes me happy, which is especially helpful during what can sometimes be the stressful hustle and bustle of travel.

One of the reasons babies smile back, so I've read, are because of mirror neurons. It's the same thing that makes you model the expressions and emotions of people in movies (stop and notice your expression during a sad part of a movie...mirror neurons are for real!)

But I think it's also something else. Now I don't know exactly what babies are thinking, but I do think there'ssomething to the power of human attention. A smile with eye contact says, "I see you; you matter." I think, from cradle-to-grave, that is something we all crave every day. 


And while I spend a lot of time speaking to faculty and staff about the importance of these kinds of habits when working with students, I also think it's something you can practice on campus.

I'm not saying to walk through campus with some big fake smile plastered on your face (that would be creepy...) but I am saying, smile even when you don't feel like it. Notice people around you. 

Instead of burying your face in your phone while walking to class and waiting around for the professor, try looking up and giving someone a small, authentic smile. Something that says "Hi, I'm not crazy, I swear, just nice, just trying something this crazy blogger lady put into my head...also, I see you; you matter." ;)

Seriously, though. Try this. 

When I was in high school I once read in a magazine that the best way to be popular was to smile. It wasn't talking about the kind of "popular" that requires money or rebellion. It was the kind where a lot of people, from all different walks of life and cliques, genuinely like you because you show that you care about them. You make them feel important. 

You have more power on your campus than you realize to affect things. The first section of my book is about "Peers" for a reason. You matter on your campus, and the way you show up and the attitude you bring affects others around you.

You never know who might be on the brink of dropping out. Who might be going through a family tragedy. Or who might have just gotten a soul-crushing test grade. 

Smile at people. Make them feel important. There are more students on your campus than you know who are just dying for someone to "say:"

I see you; you matter.

Ask Isa: How to move from acquaintance to friendship in college

Below is an e-mail a student (who gave his permission to have this exchange shared on the blog) sent to me earlier this week. His question was so genuine and I wanted to share his question and the answer I gave in case it helps anyone else in this situation:

Hi Isa!

I just read your article titled "You're not alone in feeling alone: how to make friends." Your article gave me a better perspective on finding friends at community college. It's hard finding new friends, especially when you have transferred from two different colleges. I've been pretty depressed lately because I don't really have any friends to hangout with anymore. 

I stopped hanging out with my old high school friends because they are always getting into trouble; and all my other friends are 8 hours away at my old college. I was a commuter at a school close to my house but it was too expensive so I transferred to a community college. It is very hard to make friends there because I haven't taken a class for my major yet (since I started during the spring 2013 semester).

I'm shy so its hard for me to step out of my comfort zone to meet new friends. In one of my night classes there is a girl that is the same major as me (she also sits right beside me in class) and 2 weeks ago I got her number so we could try to study together for the final exam. We were going to meet but we never found a time that we could meet. 

Earlier this week, I texted her asking if she signed up for classes, she said she didn't yet. So I said, "Since this is my first semester here, I dont know anybody in my field of study, since you are basically the same major as me maybe we could take some classes together?" She said yes.

I really want to be friends with her (since she is the same major as me and also because she is pretty). I really want to be friends with her and maybe be able to do stuff together outside of class (I don't want to date her, I'm just looking for a friend). I don't want to come on too strong and make her think that I want to date her. I just want a friend to talk to. What should I do?

Sincerely,

Blake*

Hi Blake,

Thanks so much for reaching out.

I think it's great you are making an effort, and that you have strayed away from friends that were getting into trouble. That is not easy to do but incredibly beneficial; it will pay off.

As far as the girl, go ahead and be casual about it and don't worry too much. The fact that she said 'yes' to taking classes together is awesome (great idea, by the way). Don't over-think it and instead just, well, be friends. Think about how it worked when you were a kid - when we're kids we rarely think about these things; instead we just connect with people who we have fun with. It can be the same in college.

Sit together in class, help each other with homework, study together, and just hang out, talk, and be friends. As far as not wanting to seem like you're hitting on her, I think you're already there because she said yes to taking classes together. If she was creeped out she would have avoided that. So just enjoy classes together! And when you study, consider inviting other people to form a study group.

And finally, consider how you can make other friends too so you're not too worried about this one person. Does your college have a student life department or a website that lists its clubs?

Check that out, meet with a student life coordinator at your college, and go to different club meetings that interest you. Find the one you connect with the most and ask the President of the club if they need any more officers or committee leaders or help with anything. Get involved right away. You'll be amazed at the bonds you'll create without even thinking about it.

Let me know how it goes! :)

Sincerely,

Isa

*name was changed

To submit your question for the blog visit the anonymous Ask Isa inbox. Or you can e-mail me directly at isa@communitycollegesuccess.com. 

How to start a conversation in class

Ever wonder how to make friends in class? At this point you may have already done so, but it can't hurt to brush up on your skills. Use the tips in the video below to get a study group together for your upcoming exams, or use them to prepare for your first days of summer classes. :)

How to be bolder in college

Last weekend I went to Disney with a friend who is in her senior year of college. It was the last day of her Spring Break, and we roamed EPCOT, instagraming ourselves in every country, eating lots in Italy, China, and Germany. 

When the sun went down it got chilly and we walked to our locker to retrieve our jackets. My friend returned the locker key inside, and the young guy behind the counter started making conversation with her. She learned he was an intern with the Disney College Program, and he kept asking her questions. I noticed this was more than just a friendly exchange. There was chemistry. 

We walked away and she seemed to glow. We didn't talk about it, but continued excitedly into the park, rode Test Track, and then devoured honey chicken and sweet and sour pork in China.

But then, with a few grains of white rice left on the plate and in the contented silence after a perfect meal, my friend said, "I have this crazy idea that I should give that guy my number." 

She is shy, and I have never been outgoing myself. But something about that statement just seemed right, exciting, and a perfect thing to do on the last day of spring break. So I said, "why not?"

So with a boldness I had never seen from her, she wrote down her number on the receipt after we paid for our meal, and we marched up to the front of the park. I could hear her heart pounding, trying to talk herself out of it but knowing she would kick herself if she didn't go through with it. 

But when we peeked in the store, he was gone. 

My friend realized that she wasn't ready to give up; she strolled in and asked the new people at the counter if his shift had ended or if maybe, just maybe, he was on break. Sure enough, he was on break and would be back in half an hour. 

She left the store and we laughed, feeling like silly 7th graders.

We continued to dessert and watched the fireworks.

On our way out of the park, we peeked in that store one more time, officially feeling like stalkers. There he was, behind a counter teeming with tired vacationers trying to get their pictures from the day. It seemed like it was over. 

But then, in an instant he moved to the end of the counter and there was a break in the line of customers; my friend walked into the store, said "hey, I don't usually do this, but you seem cool and I wanted to give you my number in case you ever want to hang out before you leave" (he lived in another state and was only in Florida for the college program). 

I kept darting my eyes in to see his reaction; this guy's face lit up and he and the worker next to him looked stunned. I'm guessing this doesn't happen to them often.

I could also tell that their night had been made. My friend had given them  a fun story to tell, had shaken things up, done something surprising, and came out on the other end feeling like she had grown in some unspeakable way. 

I don't want to disappoint you, but this isn't a love story. The guy texted my friend the next day and said she indeed did make his day and he thought she was really cute, but that he was already talking to a girl at his college back home. 

But all along we both knew this story was never about her and this guy living happily ever after. It was about doing something you don't usually do, something outside your comfort zone.  

There was something magical in my friend's boldness. I've known her since she was a freshman in college, and I saw something new in her that day. Typically a shy, reserved person, she was now willing to reach out even when it seemed crazy. 

This is not about why you should give random people your number (I do not recommend this in most situations), but it is about taking chances in your college experience, meeting new people, and being unafraid to be bold -- even if it means it might not work out the way you think. 

Is there an opportunity you've been holding back on? Is there a person in your class you think seems cool but you're feeling too afraid to start a conversation? Is there something you've always wanted to do but are putting it off because you're scared?

Don't be afraid to put yourself out there. We rarely do because we want to avoid that burning feeling of rejection. 

But when you take risks in spite of rejection, you might find that the burning feeling can also transform into fuel that can teach you something and propel you forward, towards a destination you might have never discovered otherwise. 

So throw some caution to the wind and do something scary. It might not work out, and that's okay. But what if it does? 

Why I still get scared to get involved

As you might already know, I wrote a book about networking for college students, and why it's so important to get involved and meet people in college. 

I got involved in my community college and my university and joined everything I could. 

I read at least five books on networking each year and speak to college students around the country about networking and college success. 

I meet people all the time and get involved in new opportunities whenever I can because I believe relationships are the key to success in everything.

But I still get scared out of my mind every time I get involved in something new where I know I'm going to meet new people. 

I recently got an e-mail to attend Leadership Stetson, a leadership program for alumni at my alma mater. I applied, because that's what I do. 

And then I got accepted. Uh-oh, I thought, Now I actually have to do this. And at this moment, all of my defenses kick in: Do I really need to do this? Will it be worth my time? Why do I need to do this? Don't I have other stuff you need to do that weekend? 

But I RSVP that I will attend. 

I continue to resist, all the way up to Friday night when I drive to the college for the opening reception. As I'm driving, I can physically feel everything in my body telling me to turn the car around. I feel slightly short of breath, anxious, wondering, What will I say to people? How will I know who to talk to? I won't know anybody. I'll probably be the youngest person there. No one will want to talk to me. Why am I doing this?!

But I keep driving. 

And of course, by the end of the weekend, I'm hugging new friends good-bye, clutching my iPad filled with new ideas and inspirations from the experience, thinking, I'm so glad I didn't miss this. 

Throughout this entire experience, I also kept thinking of you. 

I remembered how absolutely terrifying it is to try something new, to go to college for the first time, to transfer schools, to attend a club event when you don't know anyone, to visit a new professor during office hours, and to strike up a conversation with a stranger in class. This stuff is HARD. Scary. 

And this weekend I realized I'm still scared all the time.

Despite the many amazing experiences I've had and the knowledge that every new experience will bring growth and new relationships, my brain still doesn't get it. 

It still washes me over in fear and tries to get me not to do anything but stay in my apartment and work on my computer (kind of like how your brain might tell you to just go to class and go home and not bother with anything extra).

So the next time you feel anxious about trying something new, don't wait for the fear to subside before you make a decision - because it'll probably never go away. 

Instead, just do it (I've come to appreciate Nike's branding genius lately). 

Act in spite of fear. In spite of laziness. In spite of all your doubts.

Your action will turn resistance into persistence, your greatest ally in success. 

How to make friends in college

A lot of students ask me how to make friends in college. While I share a lot of advice on this blog, my YouTube channel, and my book, in the end it all comes down to stepping outside your comfort zone. And recently, I was reminded just how hard that is: 

The power of coffee in college

Okay, so, while I loved the free coffee in the cafeteria before my 2 PM class, this isn't what this post is about. 

It's about the times I spent (and still spend) in a café with a friend. I just finished sipping coffee out of a beautiful teacup with a former SGA president I advised when I worked at a community college. She has an amazing story - she got all D's in high school and just didn't care about what she was going to do in her future.

And then, when she got to community college, everything changed. She found her motivation and a community of people to support her. She graduated community college with a 3.9 GPA and is now working in the national Public Allies program for a semester and will transfer to a four-year university this Spring.

I'll share more of her story with you in the Spring when the Public Allies application opens again, but I wanted to give you an idea of who she is so you can see how she inspired me.

I started this blog while I was working in a community college. It was the students I met like her, the students I now get to meet when I speak, students like you, who inspire me more than anything else in the world. 

The thing is, it took effort for us to get together, because we both have busy schedules. But everyone can find 15 minutes for coffee. And the best part is,  once you start, that 15 minutes often turns into an hour or two, and you don't even notice. 

Because face-to-face conversation is like a triple-shot espresso.

Invite someone out for a quick coffee (or tea, or lunch, or whatever you love) and just talk. I had those kinds of café conversations daily in college and I loved them. Today, I have to work a lot harder to make them happen, but I always feel a million-times better afterwards. 

So choose your favorite place, grab a friend, and enjoy the "caffeine" rush of time spent with a good friend :)