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Showing posts with label first generation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label first generation. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 5, 2014
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
The biggest mistake low-income students make when it comes to student loan debt
The biggest mistake low-income students make when it comes to student loan debt, in my opinion, isn't what you might think.
Sure, taking out too many loans for a private school may not always be the best decision if you can get a similar degree at a public institution for much cheaper (though some private schools may surprise you with how much financial aid they'll offer if you're a great student).
And getting too many loans and dropping out of college before getting the degree that can help open up opportunities which would help you pay back those loans is definitely not good.
However, the biggest mistake I see students making, especially those who come from low-income backgrounds (like I did), is something different:
It's the misunderstanding of the difference between "debt" and "investment."
Rich people invest. Poor people go into debt.
If you grew up in a low-income family like I did, in college you may find yourself feeling so burdened from having seen the debt your parents had to endure that you think the number one way to stop being poor is to not get into debt.
But this can backfire.
To be sure - you shouldn't go racking up credit cards on the fanciest clothes, cars, homes, and things you can't afford. That is still classic debt.
But your college education is one of the best investments you can make, as long as you are willing to invest the time necessary to do it well and get the degree.
I remember being really afraid of a $1,500 loan I was offered my second year of community college. Loans? Debt?! Yikes!! No no no. Debt is bad, bad, bad. I'm definitely not going to take this loan and instead I'll work more hours - yes!!
But here is what a wise mentor told me:
Your education is the best investment you can make (especially at a reputable, accredited, public school). If that loan can help you work less, get involved more, and increase your performance in school then it is a WISE investment.
I decided to take that loan. It allowed me to work a little less and get involved (and study) a little more.
I became president of our Phi Theta Kappa chapter that year and won the $110,000 Jack Kent Cooke scholarship.
See the difference? It was an investment, because it gave me the opportunity earn more money and be more successful in the long run.
Let me say that again: An investment is something that can make you even more money in the future.
Debt is something that sinks you deeper into a hole in which the thing that got you into debt CANNOT get you out.
The newest phone, the luxury car, the designer clothes - those things alone don't have power to get you out of debt.
But a college degree, well, even recent reports still show it is the kind of thing that can help you make more money. It's an investment.
I've always believed that learning and developing your skills is the best investment you can make. Even in my own business I use my credit cards with abandon when it comes to buying important books or traveling to meet amazing people. Even when I'm not sure if those risks paid off in the moment, I come to find out they always do.
And if you're still not convinced, let me tell you a very short story about an investment a friend of mine made during his college experience.
It goes like this:
My friend went to a college not located in Washington, DC. He was not rich.
He eventually realized he wanted to work in politics.
He learned that getting an internship in DC was a really good way to get involved in politics. To him it seemed only rich kids were getting internships in DC because their parents could afford to pay for them to live there.
He decided that wasn't going to stop him.
He took out a $6,000 loan in college to help fund a semester in DC for an internship in politics.
Today he works in The White House. Literally. For real. The actual White House. Where the President of the United States lives. The President is his boss.
You get the picture. ;)
Invest in yourself. Seek out mentors and talk to financial aid advisors before making any big decisions.
(If you want to learn more, my favorite financial book for young people is The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke by financial expert Suze Orman. In it you'll also find she agrees with me that college is one of the BEST investments you can make - yes, even if that means taking out some student loans.)
Like any investment, there is risk involved, but the good news about college is you have control over most of the risk, because you're investing in yourself! The best way to reduce risk is to dedicate your 110% to your college education.
What does that look like? Well, to find out I also recommend investing in some college success books! Invest in your learning and give your best. You are worth it.
Sure, taking out too many loans for a private school may not always be the best decision if you can get a similar degree at a public institution for much cheaper (though some private schools may surprise you with how much financial aid they'll offer if you're a great student).
And getting too many loans and dropping out of college before getting the degree that can help open up opportunities which would help you pay back those loans is definitely not good.
However, the biggest mistake I see students making, especially those who come from low-income backgrounds (like I did), is something different:
It's the misunderstanding of the difference between "debt" and "investment."
Rich people invest. Poor people go into debt.
If you grew up in a low-income family like I did, in college you may find yourself feeling so burdened from having seen the debt your parents had to endure that you think the number one way to stop being poor is to not get into debt.
But this can backfire.
To be sure - you shouldn't go racking up credit cards on the fanciest clothes, cars, homes, and things you can't afford. That is still classic debt.
But your college education is one of the best investments you can make, as long as you are willing to invest the time necessary to do it well and get the degree.
I remember being really afraid of a $1,500 loan I was offered my second year of community college. Loans? Debt?! Yikes!! No no no. Debt is bad, bad, bad. I'm definitely not going to take this loan and instead I'll work more hours - yes!!
But here is what a wise mentor told me:
Your education is the best investment you can make (especially at a reputable, accredited, public school). If that loan can help you work less, get involved more, and increase your performance in school then it is a WISE investment.
I decided to take that loan. It allowed me to work a little less and get involved (and study) a little more.
I became president of our Phi Theta Kappa chapter that year and won the $110,000 Jack Kent Cooke scholarship.
See the difference? It was an investment, because it gave me the opportunity earn more money and be more successful in the long run.
Let me say that again: An investment is something that can make you even more money in the future.
Debt is something that sinks you deeper into a hole in which the thing that got you into debt CANNOT get you out.
The newest phone, the luxury car, the designer clothes - those things alone don't have power to get you out of debt.
But a college degree, well, even recent reports still show it is the kind of thing that can help you make more money. It's an investment.
I've always believed that learning and developing your skills is the best investment you can make. Even in my own business I use my credit cards with abandon when it comes to buying important books or traveling to meet amazing people. Even when I'm not sure if those risks paid off in the moment, I come to find out they always do.
And if you're still not convinced, let me tell you a very short story about an investment a friend of mine made during his college experience.
It goes like this:
My friend went to a college not located in Washington, DC. He was not rich.
He eventually realized he wanted to work in politics.
He learned that getting an internship in DC was a really good way to get involved in politics. To him it seemed only rich kids were getting internships in DC because their parents could afford to pay for them to live there.
He decided that wasn't going to stop him.
He took out a $6,000 loan in college to help fund a semester in DC for an internship in politics.
Today he works in The White House. Literally. For real. The actual White House. Where the President of the United States lives. The President is his boss.
You get the picture. ;)
Invest in yourself. Seek out mentors and talk to financial aid advisors before making any big decisions.
(If you want to learn more, my favorite financial book for young people is The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous, and Broke by financial expert Suze Orman. In it you'll also find she agrees with me that college is one of the BEST investments you can make - yes, even if that means taking out some student loans.)
Like any investment, there is risk involved, but the good news about college is you have control over most of the risk, because you're investing in yourself! The best way to reduce risk is to dedicate your 110% to your college education.
What does that look like? Well, to find out I also recommend investing in some college success books! Invest in your learning and give your best. You are worth it.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
TBT: What to expect your first week of college
The video below is a throwback from last year; it answers some of the most popular questions I receive about the first week of college, and shares some tips to ensure you ROCK your first week. Good luck!! :)
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
An open letter to first generation college students
Hi,
My name is Isa and I'm a first generation college graduate.
Traditionally, that means I was the first in my family to get a bachelor's degree. I also have a master's degree.
I started in community college, and my sophomore year I won the Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship, which provided me $30,000 per year to finish my bachelor's degree and $50,000 for a master's degree.
I fell weak at the knees and wept when I found out the news. All that kept running through my head was this:
"People like me don't get master's degrees."
Where did that come from? I later thought.
I was a high achiever. And this was America for goodness sake. I could be anything I wanted to be, even President, right?
But somewhere, deep down, in a place I didn't even know existed, I had internalized the messages, the media, and the scripts I'd seen around me.
Logically, anyone who succeeds is a "person" like me. I knew that of course. But, logical or not, we tend to group ourselves into types of people, and sometimes we tell ourselves what we can or cannot do based on that.
And worst of all, sometimes others (e.g. society) try to group us or tell us what we can or cannot do.
---
None of my grandparents had an education past the fourth grade. I wouldn't be here today if not for their hard work.
Also, I'm biracial: one parent is Puerto Rican and the other is White. When asked my race I was always confused that I had to check "White." I didn't feel totally White. Then when I got to ethnicity I could check Hispanic. Though I never totally felt like that either; I loved rice and beans, but I didn't speak Spanish and couldn't, for the life of me, roll my r's.
I never felt like I knew how to be politically correct even when talking about myself. I still don't.
So when the phrase"people like me" popped into my head for the first time, I think I had somehow internalized all of the above. While I was still trying to figure out who I was, somewhere without my knowing it I had put a ceiling on myself.
I was recently at a Harvard Institute on the Achievement Gap and one of the professors told a story about the fleas in a glass jar experiment. Essentially, fleas were put in a jar without a lid and they quickly jumped out. They were put back in, this time with a lid. They tried to jump out but were stopped by the lid.
Eventually, the fleas adjusted their jumping height so they wouldn't hit the lid. When the experimenter took the lid off, the fleas didn't jump out. They couldn't understand the limits were gone because they'd already adjusted their expectations.
---
I'm writing this crazy letter (off the beaten path from my normal tone) because I just finished reading a book on youth development that talked about racial and ethnic identity development as well as what people go through when they are socially mobile (i.e. first generation college students who break barriers in their family).
The book poignantly put into words a certain moments in my university experience that I never quite understood.
Moments where I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel like I had any really close friends. Moments where I didn't understand why I wasn't bonding with people. Moments when I had to look up what Seven for All Mankind was (a humanities course?) and moments where I thought maybe something was wrong with me.
The book I just finished on development made me want to cry. For good reasons. I felt validated. It talked about how those who break barriers and are socially mobile can feel a lot of strife when they make that leap, especially when they are the first in their family to do so or are transcending to an economically/socially "upperclass" place that is foreign and uncomfortable.
After reading this, no joke, I ran across my apartment to my computer. And that brings me to this moment.
I realized if I felt this way after reading this passage then there must be others who feel the same, and I can't bear that they might have to experience another second of feeling alone in this.
I wish I could tell you, like in my traditional blog posts, exactly what to do to make this better. To fit in as you break barriers. To magically feel comfortable all the time.
But I can't.
What I can tell you is this:
It will be uncomfortable. It will be hard. But here is what I want you to remember.
In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.
I'm going to say that again:
In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.
This is the part of the American Dream no one really talks about. That sometimes it's really uncomfortable and really hard and sometimes you wonder why you're striving so much in the first place, if it's really worth it.
That's why I'm writing this. For any of you who've ever felt that. I want to tell you three very important things, so listen closely:
1) You are not alone.
2) Keep going.
3) Thank you.
Thank you for doing this. For getting through the tough stuff. For not giving up. Because when you keep going you become one more person for another to look to and say "hey, people like me can do this!"
It defies all logic. We know we're not fundamentally different based on how we look or how much money we have.
But it doesn't change the fact that it's powerful and affirming to have a role model you can identify with. And for too may groups of people, whether self-defined or societally defined, that's not always the case in our mass mediated culture.
So if you can't find the role model, the person like you doing what you're doing, or the person like you at your college, it just might mean you're doing something profoundly important for all of us.
Don't stop.
Sincerely,
Isa
My name is Isa and I'm a first generation college graduate.
Traditionally, that means I was the first in my family to get a bachelor's degree. I also have a master's degree.
I started in community college, and my sophomore year I won the Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship, which provided me $30,000 per year to finish my bachelor's degree and $50,000 for a master's degree.
I fell weak at the knees and wept when I found out the news. All that kept running through my head was this:
"People like me don't get master's degrees."
Where did that come from? I later thought.
I was a high achiever. And this was America for goodness sake. I could be anything I wanted to be, even President, right?
But somewhere, deep down, in a place I didn't even know existed, I had internalized the messages, the media, and the scripts I'd seen around me.
Logically, anyone who succeeds is a "person" like me. I knew that of course. But, logical or not, we tend to group ourselves into types of people, and sometimes we tell ourselves what we can or cannot do based on that.
And worst of all, sometimes others (e.g. society) try to group us or tell us what we can or cannot do.
---
None of my grandparents had an education past the fourth grade. I wouldn't be here today if not for their hard work.
Also, I'm biracial: one parent is Puerto Rican and the other is White. When asked my race I was always confused that I had to check "White." I didn't feel totally White. Then when I got to ethnicity I could check Hispanic. Though I never totally felt like that either; I loved rice and beans, but I didn't speak Spanish and couldn't, for the life of me, roll my r's.
I never felt like I knew how to be politically correct even when talking about myself. I still don't.
So when the phrase"people like me" popped into my head for the first time, I think I had somehow internalized all of the above. While I was still trying to figure out who I was, somewhere without my knowing it I had put a ceiling on myself.
I was recently at a Harvard Institute on the Achievement Gap and one of the professors told a story about the fleas in a glass jar experiment. Essentially, fleas were put in a jar without a lid and they quickly jumped out. They were put back in, this time with a lid. They tried to jump out but were stopped by the lid.
Eventually, the fleas adjusted their jumping height so they wouldn't hit the lid. When the experimenter took the lid off, the fleas didn't jump out. They couldn't understand the limits were gone because they'd already adjusted their expectations.
---
I'm writing this crazy letter (off the beaten path from my normal tone) because I just finished reading a book on youth development that talked about racial and ethnic identity development as well as what people go through when they are socially mobile (i.e. first generation college students who break barriers in their family).
The book poignantly put into words a certain moments in my university experience that I never quite understood.
Moments where I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel like I had any really close friends. Moments where I didn't understand why I wasn't bonding with people. Moments when I had to look up what Seven for All Mankind was (a humanities course?) and moments where I thought maybe something was wrong with me.
The book I just finished on development made me want to cry. For good reasons. I felt validated. It talked about how those who break barriers and are socially mobile can feel a lot of strife when they make that leap, especially when they are the first in their family to do so or are transcending to an economically/socially "upperclass" place that is foreign and uncomfortable.
After reading this, no joke, I ran across my apartment to my computer. And that brings me to this moment.
I realized if I felt this way after reading this passage then there must be others who feel the same, and I can't bear that they might have to experience another second of feeling alone in this.
I wish I could tell you, like in my traditional blog posts, exactly what to do to make this better. To fit in as you break barriers. To magically feel comfortable all the time.
But I can't.
What I can tell you is this:
It will be uncomfortable. It will be hard. But here is what I want you to remember.
In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.
I'm going to say that again:
In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.
This is the part of the American Dream no one really talks about. That sometimes it's really uncomfortable and really hard and sometimes you wonder why you're striving so much in the first place, if it's really worth it.
That's why I'm writing this. For any of you who've ever felt that. I want to tell you three very important things, so listen closely:
1) You are not alone.
2) Keep going.
3) Thank you.
Thank you for doing this. For getting through the tough stuff. For not giving up. Because when you keep going you become one more person for another to look to and say "hey, people like me can do this!"
It defies all logic. We know we're not fundamentally different based on how we look or how much money we have.
But it doesn't change the fact that it's powerful and affirming to have a role model you can identify with. And for too may groups of people, whether self-defined or societally defined, that's not always the case in our mass mediated culture.
So if you can't find the role model, the person like you doing what you're doing, or the person like you at your college, it just might mean you're doing something profoundly important for all of us.
Don't stop.
Sincerely,
Isa
Monday, July 7, 2014
College Freshman Pep Talk (Part 1 of 5)
Dedicated to all of you who've emailed and messaged me scared out of your mind about your first semester of college. You can do this!! :)
Monday, June 30, 2014
#SoCanU: African American Brotherhood chapter helps student succeed after heart attack
Featured below is an interview with another #SoCanU project rockstar. Be inspired. :)
What is your favorite thing to do on the weekends? I love taking my dog out whenever it's a nice day out. I often put in my headphones, crank up some good tunes, and let my dog lead the way. Then I relax from there depends on where my dog "takes" me.
Favorite food/meal? Indian curry and sushi is always a favorite. I remember when I was younger back when I lived in California that nothing hits the spot like a good carne asada burrito.
What made you decide to choose community college? I chose community college because I felt I wasn't quite ready to tackle a four year university. When I was in high school I had a heart attack and was brain dead for a time; I had to deal with a lot of memory loss, and not as bright as I once was, I didn't want to waste my time or money at a four year institution if I didn't know if I had the capacity yet to put forth my best effort.
Were there any obstacles in your life prior to attending community college that you had to overcome? One of my most difficult obstacles to overcome was my arrogance from high school. I assumed since I was smart, if you weren't as smart as me, you weren't worth my time. I missed out on lots of great friendships due to this.
I was also too proud to ask for help in subjects I struggled in, and instead of getting the help I needed in topics I had issues with, I’d often just struggle through it.
Another obstacle that I live with every day is my speech impediment. I stutter, and have my whole life, because of this, I’m usually the last to speak. This has improved some over the years, and it gives me the time to think through what I say before I vocalize whatever it is that I’m thinking.
What obstacles did you overcome in community college and/or in your transfer university to achieve your degree? My memory is still, by far my largest obstacle I face on a daily basis. I used to be able to read a chapter of a textbook, pull out all of the important tidbits, and remember them. Now, I have to be a bit more creative to help my memory. Flashcards and rewriting my notes helps a lot.
What is one of the most important things that helped you succeed in community college and beyond? I’d have to say that the most important thing that has helped me in community college is the support networks I’ve found myself becoming a part of.
My family is first and foremost my greatest stream of support. After them comes my Student African American Brotherhood (SAAB) brothers. These are a bunch of guys who inspire me to do better. They’re also like a second family to me.
I’m honored that for my final semester at TCC, I get to be the president of the Virginia Beach chapter. I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention all of the great instructors and mentors I got a chance to take classes with, work with, and interact with at the various campuses of Tidewater Community College.
What is the best piece of advice you can give our readers who are currently attending community college? Plan and know where you want to be in life. Community college served as an inexpensive means to learn loads of useful information and prepare myself for my next step in my life plan.
Also, surround yourself with those who have the same or similar goals to your own, who will push you to excel in all it is that you do. This was something that I got out of SAAB, I had brothers with similar education goals, who would push me to do better. We even had a mini competition going at one point to see who could get the best grades for a semester.
If I was struggling in math, there was someone there to offer assistance who I could relate to. If the person who helped me in math needed help with any of his computer classes, I was there to return the favor. This is part of the things that we’re taught in SAAB is part of our affirmation, “I am my Brother’s Keeper and Together We Will Rise!”
Dexter Givens II will graduate from Tidewater Community College in Fall 2014 and is currently an Education Support Specialist I at Tidewater Community College's Virginia Beach Campus student center. After graduating TCC he plans on completing his bachelor's degree in computer science at Old Dominion University.
Favorite food/meal? Indian curry and sushi is always a favorite. I remember when I was younger back when I lived in California that nothing hits the spot like a good carne asada burrito.
What made you decide to choose community college? I chose community college because I felt I wasn't quite ready to tackle a four year university. When I was in high school I had a heart attack and was brain dead for a time; I had to deal with a lot of memory loss, and not as bright as I once was, I didn't want to waste my time or money at a four year institution if I didn't know if I had the capacity yet to put forth my best effort.
Were there any obstacles in your life prior to attending community college that you had to overcome? One of my most difficult obstacles to overcome was my arrogance from high school. I assumed since I was smart, if you weren't as smart as me, you weren't worth my time. I missed out on lots of great friendships due to this.
I was also too proud to ask for help in subjects I struggled in, and instead of getting the help I needed in topics I had issues with, I’d often just struggle through it.
Another obstacle that I live with every day is my speech impediment. I stutter, and have my whole life, because of this, I’m usually the last to speak. This has improved some over the years, and it gives me the time to think through what I say before I vocalize whatever it is that I’m thinking.
What obstacles did you overcome in community college and/or in your transfer university to achieve your degree? My memory is still, by far my largest obstacle I face on a daily basis. I used to be able to read a chapter of a textbook, pull out all of the important tidbits, and remember them. Now, I have to be a bit more creative to help my memory. Flashcards and rewriting my notes helps a lot.
What is one of the most important things that helped you succeed in community college and beyond? I’d have to say that the most important thing that has helped me in community college is the support networks I’ve found myself becoming a part of.
My family is first and foremost my greatest stream of support. After them comes my Student African American Brotherhood (SAAB) brothers. These are a bunch of guys who inspire me to do better. They’re also like a second family to me.
I’m honored that for my final semester at TCC, I get to be the president of the Virginia Beach chapter. I also would be remiss if I didn’t mention all of the great instructors and mentors I got a chance to take classes with, work with, and interact with at the various campuses of Tidewater Community College.
Also, surround yourself with those who have the same or similar goals to your own, who will push you to excel in all it is that you do. This was something that I got out of SAAB, I had brothers with similar education goals, who would push me to do better. We even had a mini competition going at one point to see who could get the best grades for a semester.
If I was struggling in math, there was someone there to offer assistance who I could relate to. If the person who helped me in math needed help with any of his computer classes, I was there to return the favor. This is part of the things that we’re taught in SAAB is part of our affirmation, “I am my Brother’s Keeper and Together We Will Rise!”
Dexter Givens II will graduate from Tidewater Community College in Fall 2014 and is currently an Education Support Specialist I at Tidewater Community College's Virginia Beach Campus student center. After graduating TCC he plans on completing his bachelor's degree in computer science at Old Dominion University.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
The mentoring gap
It started out like any other typical Saturday night.
My husband and I went out to dinner. We ate (too many) chips with salsa before our meal came. We talked. We laughed. We enjoyed the outdoor Florida nighttime air.
Our meals came, and as we ate I couldn't help but overhear the conversation at the table right next to us. (I promise I wasn't being weird and nosy, but, you know, when you're just eating and not talking outside and there's no music, you can't help but hear what's going on around you.)
From what I heard, it was clearly a mom, a dad, and a young man home for the summer from college. They were just having a nice family dinner, just like I was. But something was very different about their family dinner than any I'd ever encountered.
After spending so many years immersed with low-income and first generation students, I'd forgotten this other world.
During the course of a simple Saturday dinner, this young man was given a wealth of advice and support from his parents regarding college and his future.
The purpose of the dinner was not to lecture him. It wasn't to discuss his future. It just sort of happened, naturally, in between laughs and talk of other things.
By the time I was halfway through eating my mac-and-chorizo the dad had already related what medical school was like and how he got through it, and the mom was reminding her son why he had earlier decided he didn't want to be a lawyer. Both parents then gave him some advice and leads for his internship plans for this summer and next summer.
In short, they had a very positive mentoring session.
It was also obvious that this was a high income family. They talked about the young man's high school - the best private school in my area. The dad was a doctor. These were wealthy people, and this was an example of what a casual saturday night could look like in a high income family.
I saw these relationships all the time when I was a private SAT/ACT tutor. It wasn't just about parents who cared - I had parents who cared. And I would imagine wealth doesn't automatically make you a caring parent.
This was something different. It was parents who cared and who'd been there. They had this vast well of knowledge to draw from and pass along to their kid. A cycle of wealth. A cycle of success.
I spent most of my time thinking about how to create these similar relationship exchanges to help break the cycles of poverty that are all around us.
I got in the car that night and said to my husband, almost teary-eyed, "how do you compete with that?"
And by "you" I meant of course all the students who don't have those kinds of Saturday-night mentoring sessions with their strongest role models - their parents.
But here's the thing, I think you can compete. These types of conversations are vital to success, but it's okay if you don't happen to have them in your family.
That is where I believe other crucial support systems come in. Teachers, mentors, professors, school staff, college staff, non-profit staff, etc. That is why I'm constantly emphasizing those relationships and conversations in my speeches.
We need the formal stuff, the systems, the processes, the programs, all that - but we also need to remember the importance of those informal one-on-one conversations. The moments where you can talk about what you want to do with your life, what's going on in your life, and have someone who cares about you and who has some experience help you figure things out.
And not just once, but often, consistently.
We all need this. I still need it! I was just on the phone with an important mentor in my life last week asking for advice.
I wrote my book so that I could give community college students the tools to ensure that no matter where they come from they can build that community of success.
There is a mentoring gap. But it's not too late to fill it.
And I for one am thankful to all the unsung heroes out there who are having conversations like the one I heard that Saturday night, with students who, while they may not be their sons or daughters, are treated like they are anyway.
My husband and I went out to dinner. We ate (too many) chips with salsa before our meal came. We talked. We laughed. We enjoyed the outdoor Florida nighttime air.
Our meals came, and as we ate I couldn't help but overhear the conversation at the table right next to us. (I promise I wasn't being weird and nosy, but, you know, when you're just eating and not talking outside and there's no music, you can't help but hear what's going on around you.)
From what I heard, it was clearly a mom, a dad, and a young man home for the summer from college. They were just having a nice family dinner, just like I was. But something was very different about their family dinner than any I'd ever encountered.
After spending so many years immersed with low-income and first generation students, I'd forgotten this other world.
During the course of a simple Saturday dinner, this young man was given a wealth of advice and support from his parents regarding college and his future.
The purpose of the dinner was not to lecture him. It wasn't to discuss his future. It just sort of happened, naturally, in between laughs and talk of other things.
By the time I was halfway through eating my mac-and-chorizo the dad had already related what medical school was like and how he got through it, and the mom was reminding her son why he had earlier decided he didn't want to be a lawyer. Both parents then gave him some advice and leads for his internship plans for this summer and next summer.
In short, they had a very positive mentoring session.
It was also obvious that this was a high income family. They talked about the young man's high school - the best private school in my area. The dad was a doctor. These were wealthy people, and this was an example of what a casual saturday night could look like in a high income family.
I saw these relationships all the time when I was a private SAT/ACT tutor. It wasn't just about parents who cared - I had parents who cared. And I would imagine wealth doesn't automatically make you a caring parent.
This was something different. It was parents who cared and who'd been there. They had this vast well of knowledge to draw from and pass along to their kid. A cycle of wealth. A cycle of success.
I spent most of my time thinking about how to create these similar relationship exchanges to help break the cycles of poverty that are all around us.
I got in the car that night and said to my husband, almost teary-eyed, "how do you compete with that?"
And by "you" I meant of course all the students who don't have those kinds of Saturday-night mentoring sessions with their strongest role models - their parents.
But here's the thing, I think you can compete. These types of conversations are vital to success, but it's okay if you don't happen to have them in your family.
That is where I believe other crucial support systems come in. Teachers, mentors, professors, school staff, college staff, non-profit staff, etc. That is why I'm constantly emphasizing those relationships and conversations in my speeches.
We need the formal stuff, the systems, the processes, the programs, all that - but we also need to remember the importance of those informal one-on-one conversations. The moments where you can talk about what you want to do with your life, what's going on in your life, and have someone who cares about you and who has some experience help you figure things out.
And not just once, but often, consistently.
We all need this. I still need it! I was just on the phone with an important mentor in my life last week asking for advice.
I wrote my book so that I could give community college students the tools to ensure that no matter where they come from they can build that community of success.
There is a mentoring gap. But it's not too late to fill it.
And I for one am thankful to all the unsung heroes out there who are having conversations like the one I heard that Saturday night, with students who, while they may not be their sons or daughters, are treated like they are anyway.
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
What to remember when you feel like you don't belong
I'm sitting in a hotel restaurant eating breakfast with a few dozen strangers. All in business attire. And all about 20+ years older than me. To be honest, I often I feel like I can relate more with the hotel staff than the patrons.
I've experienced this many times as a young author and speaker, but this morning this feeling of not belonging has reminded of something important that I think is so relevant to where you are today:
When you don't fit in it usually means you're a trailblazer.
I watched a documentary on Civil Rights on the airplane ride here and I was struck by the first-hand account of one woman's experience as the first black woman to walk across her high school's stage a few years after segregation was ruled unlawful.
She was the only young black woman in her classes. She was ostracized and she hated school. Even when she graduated, she reports simply being happy she'd never have to go back.
Whether she realized it or not, she was a trailblazer; but no one ever tells you being a trailblazer can be a lonely path. In fact, it's easy to fit in when you're doing things just like everyone else.
It's much harder when you're trying to do something new, something different, something to change things.
I was thinking about this phenomenon and you yesterday when I read a great article in The Atlantic about a young Latino man who is the first in his family to go to college; it explains how he struggled to fit into a college where it seemed everyone else but him came from the upper classes.
I had this same experience when I received a scholarship to finish my education at a private liberal arts college, and I've heard a similar story countless times from the trailblazing community college students who go on to some of the best colleges in the country, as well as those community college students who are trailblazing college for the first time in their family.
Being first is hard. Being first can be lonely.
But I want to remind you today that being first is also beautiful.
It's one of the best gifts you can give those who have sacrificed before you and those whose hopes you will fulfill who come after you - those for whom it will be easier because of you.
So on behalf of everyone who's been lonely before you and all those whose lives will be changed because of you I want to say thank you.
Keep going. Make friends with the strangers who aren't like you and teach them about you. Help them understand where you come from, and try to learn where they're coming from.
Continue to improve yourself through your education, and when you graduate and gain the power that comes with that, do your best to inspire more trailblazers so that being low-income, a minority, or the first in your family to attend college will no longer feel like a foreign experience.
My dream, is for that to be the new normal.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
A survivor's guide to college paperwork stress
Has paperwork ever made you cry?
I can remember running around from department to department at both my community college and university trying to manage all of the paperwork that came with applications, registrations, graduation, transcripts, and financial aid.
Tears followed a few occasions when it felt like I was doing the same things over and over again and nothing was getting accomplished.
College is rife with complicated paper processes that can leave the best of students in tears and drive the most at-risk students out the door.
This past week I had to deal with a uniquely complicated paperwork process for a college that hired me to speak. A few phone calls and four visits to a fax machine across town later I was reminded of the intense stress paperwork can cause.
Luckily for me, the community college staff member who walked me through the process was helpful, empathetic, and supremely kind.
When you're in the storm of a paperwork crisis there is nothing more helpful than a kind person on the other side of the desk (or phone).
However, you can't control the attitude of the people you're working with, so below are four tips to help you avoid the paperwork headache and not let it ruin your college experience - or even your day:
1) Read everything
In an age of information overload, we survive by paying attention only to what we need. However, sometimes this skimming-instinct causes us to miss vital details.
When it comes to college, read your college catalog. Read the introductory paperwork. Read every e-mail from your college. I know it's boring, but it will save you tremendous time, stress, and maybe even tears.
2) Ask a lot of questions
Be proactive and ask lots of questions during every step of your college journey.
While colleges do their best to keep you informed, sometimes the information isn't very clear, or you can simply suffer from information overload.
Being confused and frustrated is totally NORMAL. The students who visit the offices daily and ask lots of questions are the ones who get things done faster and with a little bit less stress.
If you have a question, ask it right away and don't judge yourself. I truly believe in college no question is a dumb question. Ask and keep on asking.
3) Find a friendly face
Get to know the people in your college's offices. Use their name and go back and say thank you when they help you. There are plenty of grumpy people in almost any office environment, but at almost every college you should be able to find at least one person who really cares about students and would love to be there to help you.
Once you've found someone you connect with, ask for their e-mail address and follow up to say thank you. Then, stop by their office to say thank you in person or just update them on how you're doing. Ask that person for advice. Everyone who works in a college will have something helpful to share.
Once you've built a relationships you'll have an ally who knows the college and who will bend over backwards to help you when you have a question. Even if they can't help you directly they'll connect you with someone who can.
4) Remember the process will pay off
The worst part about paperwork is that it in the moment it can feel so irrelevant to your life. But whether we like it or not, paperwork is a gatekeepers to so many things in life, and it always helped me to remember that once I get it done it's DONE and I will be closer to my goal.
Remember that your college degree is worth the stress. It's even worth the tears.
The sad truth is you will encounter paperwork stress throughout your life. However, the good news is you can use college as a training ground to build resiliency and not let paperwork ever stand in the way of your goals.
The more prepared you are to deal with the stress and avoid as many complications as possible, the quicker you'll go through the process and the greater sanity you'll preserve.
Good luck with your paperwork this year. When you're stressed remember that you're not alone. (And while we're on reminders and paperwork, don't forget to fill out your FAFSA every year!!!! ;))
I can remember running around from department to department at both my community college and university trying to manage all of the paperwork that came with applications, registrations, graduation, transcripts, and financial aid.
Tears followed a few occasions when it felt like I was doing the same things over and over again and nothing was getting accomplished.
College is rife with complicated paper processes that can leave the best of students in tears and drive the most at-risk students out the door.
This past week I had to deal with a uniquely complicated paperwork process for a college that hired me to speak. A few phone calls and four visits to a fax machine across town later I was reminded of the intense stress paperwork can cause.
Luckily for me, the community college staff member who walked me through the process was helpful, empathetic, and supremely kind.
When you're in the storm of a paperwork crisis there is nothing more helpful than a kind person on the other side of the desk (or phone).
However, you can't control the attitude of the people you're working with, so below are four tips to help you avoid the paperwork headache and not let it ruin your college experience - or even your day:
1) Read everything
In an age of information overload, we survive by paying attention only to what we need. However, sometimes this skimming-instinct causes us to miss vital details.
When it comes to college, read your college catalog. Read the introductory paperwork. Read every e-mail from your college. I know it's boring, but it will save you tremendous time, stress, and maybe even tears.
2) Ask a lot of questions
Be proactive and ask lots of questions during every step of your college journey.
While colleges do their best to keep you informed, sometimes the information isn't very clear, or you can simply suffer from information overload.
Being confused and frustrated is totally NORMAL. The students who visit the offices daily and ask lots of questions are the ones who get things done faster and with a little bit less stress.
If you have a question, ask it right away and don't judge yourself. I truly believe in college no question is a dumb question. Ask and keep on asking.
3) Find a friendly face
Get to know the people in your college's offices. Use their name and go back and say thank you when they help you. There are plenty of grumpy people in almost any office environment, but at almost every college you should be able to find at least one person who really cares about students and would love to be there to help you.
Once you've found someone you connect with, ask for their e-mail address and follow up to say thank you. Then, stop by their office to say thank you in person or just update them on how you're doing. Ask that person for advice. Everyone who works in a college will have something helpful to share.
Once you've built a relationships you'll have an ally who knows the college and who will bend over backwards to help you when you have a question. Even if they can't help you directly they'll connect you with someone who can.
4) Remember the process will pay off
The worst part about paperwork is that it in the moment it can feel so irrelevant to your life. But whether we like it or not, paperwork is a gatekeepers to so many things in life, and it always helped me to remember that once I get it done it's DONE and I will be closer to my goal.
Remember that your college degree is worth the stress. It's even worth the tears.
The sad truth is you will encounter paperwork stress throughout your life. However, the good news is you can use college as a training ground to build resiliency and not let paperwork ever stand in the way of your goals.
The more prepared you are to deal with the stress and avoid as many complications as possible, the quicker you'll go through the process and the greater sanity you'll preserve.
Good luck with your paperwork this year. When you're stressed remember that you're not alone. (And while we're on reminders and paperwork, don't forget to fill out your FAFSA every year!!!! ;))
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
What to expect when starting college
Starting college can feel scary, especially if you are the first in your family to go. I've had a few first gen students e-mail me over the past few weeks about how nervous they are about starting college this fall. This video was inspired by them. :)
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