An open letter to first generation college students

Hi,

My name is Isa and I'm a first generation college graduate. 

Traditionally, that means I was the first in my family to get a bachelor's degree. I also have a master's degree.

I started in community college, and my sophomore year I won the Jack Kent Cooke Scholarship, which provided me $30,000 per year to finish my bachelor's degree and $50,000 for a master's degree.

I fell weak at the knees and wept when I found out the news. All that kept running through my head was this:

"People like me don't get master's degrees."

Where did that come from? I later thought.

I was a high achiever. And this was America for goodness sake. I could be anything I wanted to be, even President, right?

But somewhere, deep down, in a place I didn't even know existed, I had internalized the messages, the media, and the scripts I'd seen around me.

Logically, anyone who succeeds is a "person" like me. I knew that of course. But, logical or not, we tend to group ourselves into types of people, and sometimes we tell ourselves what we can or cannot do based on that.

And worst of all, sometimes others (e.g. society) try to group us or tell us what we can or cannot do.

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None of my grandparents had an education past the fourth grade. I wouldn't be here today if not for their hard work.

Also, I'm biracial: one parent is Puerto Rican and the other is White. When asked my race I was always confused that I had to check "White." I didn't feel totally White. Then when I got to ethnicity I could check Hispanic. Though I never totally felt like that either; I loved rice and beans, but I didn't speak Spanish and couldn't, for the life of me, roll my r's.

 I never felt like I knew how to be politically correct even when talking about myself. I still don't.

So when the phrase"people like me" popped into my head for the first time, I think I had somehow internalized all of the above. While I was still trying to figure out who I was, somewhere without my knowing it I had put a ceiling on myself.

I was recently at a Harvard Institute on the Achievement Gap and one of the professors told a story about the fleas in a glass jar experiment. Essentially, fleas were put in a jar without a lid and they quickly jumped out. They were put back in, this time with a lid. They tried to jump out but were stopped by the lid.

Eventually, the fleas adjusted their jumping height so they wouldn't hit the lid. When the experimenter took the lid off, the fleas didn't jump out. They couldn't understand the limits were gone because they'd already adjusted their expectations.

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I'm writing this crazy letter (off the beaten path from my normal tone) because I just finished reading a book on youth development that talked about racial and ethnic identity development as well as what people go through when they are socially mobile (i.e. first generation college students who break barriers in their family).

The book poignantly put into words a certain moments in  my university experience that I never quite understood.

Moments where I couldn't figure out why I didn't feel like I had any really close friends. Moments where I didn't understand why I wasn't bonding with people. Moments when I had to look up what Seven for All Mankind was (a humanities course?) and moments where I thought maybe something was wrong with me.

The book I just finished on development made me want to cry. For good reasons. I felt validated. It talked about how those who break barriers and are socially mobile can feel a lot of strife when they make that leap, especially when they are the first in their family to do so or are transcending to an economically/socially "upperclass" place that is foreign and uncomfortable.

After reading this, no joke, I ran across my apartment to my computer. And that brings me to this moment.

I realized if I felt this way after reading this passage then there must be others who feel the same, and I can't bear that they might have to experience another second of feeling alone in this.

I wish I could tell you, like in my traditional blog posts, exactly what to do to make this better. To fit in as you break barriers. To magically feel comfortable all the time.

But I can't.

What I can tell you is this:

It will be uncomfortable. It will be hard. But here is what I want  you to remember.

In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.

I'm going to say that again:

In moments when you feel like you aren't fitting in, it most likely means you're a trailblazer.

This is the part of the American Dream no one really talks about. That sometimes it's really uncomfortable and really hard and sometimes you wonder why you're striving so much in the first place, if it's really worth it.

That's why I'm writing this. For any of you who've ever felt that. I want to tell you three very important things, so listen closely:

1) You are not alone.

2) Keep going.

3) Thank you.

Thank you for doing this. For getting through the tough stuff. For not giving up. Because when you keep going you become one more person for another to look to and say "hey, people like me can do this!"

It defies all logic. We know we're not fundamentally different based on how we look or how much money we have.

But it doesn't change the fact that it's powerful and affirming to have a role model you can identify with. And for too may groups of people, whether self-defined or societally defined, that's not always the case in our mass mediated culture.

So if you can't find the role model, the person like you doing what you're doing, or the person like you at your college, it just might mean you're doing something profoundly important for all of us.

Don't stop.

Sincerely,

Isa

What I learned from my first job out of college OR Why college grads should choose the best opportunity over the best salary

I never felt more awful then when I was looking for my first job out of college. From interviewing for sales jobs I was so wrong for to considering being a Disney costumed character I was epically lost.

Sure, when I started out I had all these dreams when I started college. But when I graduated, I lost my vision completely.

Suddenly, I just had to get a job. That was the next step and it needed to happen right away and it needed to be “good.”

The world became small again and my lack of professional experience and understanding felt overwhelming. What did people actually DO in work? What was this whole professional world all about? Where in the world do I fit in?

I did informational interviews all over the place and while they were incredibly helpful, so far all the interviews were showing me what I DIDN’T want to do.

Eventually, I found my way back to working in education, at my local community college. I took an entry-level job and a tiny itty-bitty salary, and even worked for $10/hour for the first month.

While my role was in the back office processing baccalaureate applications (the community college had just started offering a few bachelor’s degrees) I also filled in a few hours each day on the “floor” where we helped incoming students fill out and prepare for enrolling in community college.

That floor is where I began my journey of learning about the community college experience in an entirely new way. I saw life “on the other side.” I saw what happened in administration and how it affects students, and more importantly, I got to interact with so many hopeful students pursuing their education.

I fell in love with the students who walked into that office. They were so diverse in every way, with one thing in common – they all desperately wanted an education.

I’ll never forget talking to one student from Laos – at the time I had never even heard of the country (pathetic, I know). He was wrapped in a beautiful deep orange cloth and had the widest smile and brightest eyes. He had come so far to be here. Wow.

And then of course there were the adorable toddlers who often sat across from me as their mom or dad filled out their college application.

While I hated being at a desk all day, I loved the people I got to meet during that time in my life, and that experience was integral to my work today.

Eventually another position opened up at the college in the Student Life office and I jumped at it. It was competitive but my previous experience working at the college was definitely a huge benefit.

And that brings me to my point (you knew I’d get there eventually, right?).

When you’re looking for your first job out of college, focus more on the right opportunity then the right salary or the best sounding job.

And by right opportunity I mean the position that is going to give you the best chance in getting where you really want to go.

Because chances are, your first job WON’T be where you really want to be. Chances are it won’t be perfect. It will be hard. It may be frustrating. It may not be what you hoped.

And that’s okay.

Because if you choose the right opportunity, you can use your first job to be a training ground, a place to learn, a place to connect with people in your industry, and a chance to contribute something that can help you get to the next step.

This is the time where you can take risks and go for what you really want. Live with your parents if they let you to save money and focus on taking the right opportunity (sorry parents!).

Channel everything you have in getting yourself into the right organization, the right industry, and the right circle of people. Even if that means working hourly or doing something you’re not totally excited to do.

While doing a menial job to get an “in” in a particular organization can be beneficial, it can also be a really good strategy to choose an opportunity at a smaller organization where you will have a lot chances to contribute creative work or manage your own projects.

The key: choose something that has a huge potential for future growth – whether it’s through a particular company or through the tasks you’ll be able to do and learn from.

Go for something that excites you and motivates you to put your all into the position, even when it’s hard and not perfect.

If I hadn’t of worked at a community college this blog, my book, my entire career right now – would not exist.

I’m SO beyond thankful I was able to begin my career at a place that I really cared about, a place that offered me so many rich opportunities to learn and grow.

Don’t be afraid to choose the right place, the right opportunity.

This is your chance to take risks. Be fearless. It will not be easy. You may sometimes cry (and/or turn to Oreos and Full House re-runs as I did on bad days).

The beginning of your career can be really really hard, and I do wish someone would have told me that. But what I do know is that it’s also THE time to “set the table” for what your career can be.

Do it right in the early stages and you can set yourself up for a career you’ll actually like, maybe even love.

For more career advice check out my summer series, FirstJobOutofCollege.com!