How to deal when you start comparing yourself to other people

Have you ever met someone who made you feel inferior? 

Not because they were mean or were trying to make you feel this way, but because you saw how awesome they were, and then that little voice inside your head said "You're not as awesome as that....what are you doing with your life? You basically suck."

I'm an avid believer in multiple intelligences, that we all have our own beautiful talents and abilities to contribute, and that comparing ourselves to others only hinders that talent from being developed. 

Usually when I meet awesome people their greatness inspires me to keep going. They make me feel like it's possible. They make me excited that people like them exist, and I feel grateful to be in their presence. 

But once in a while, I get that inferior feeling. Once in a while, I feel like I don't know what I'm doing. Once in a while, I wonder if my dreams are stupid. 

So what gets me out of this sludgy awful feeling? 

Lots of ice cream.

Just kidding.... ;)

I watched a video from Dove recently when I was feeling like this and it touched me (video below). 

The video shows that we often see ourselves differently than others see us, and while they're referring to outer beauty, I think it provides a good metaphor for your inner beauty.

You'd be surprised: while your inner dialogue is telling you you're inferior, the person you're talking to is probably feeling the same way after meeting you.

There's no one else like you. 

Whenever you're feeling down, remember this: there's a bat-signal the shape of your face beaming in the sky. A call only you can answer - no one else. So go for it (capes are optional, but highly recommended).

And if no one has told you yet today, let me be the first: You are awesome. You are going to be able to accomplish more than you can imagine if you keep working this hard. And...you are going to rock your exams this week and next!

What Jeremy Lin can teach us about college success

Hi everyone! It is Thursday and time for this week’s Three for Thursday – and Linsanity has even infiltrated my college success blog.

If you don’t know what Linsanity is, you probably aren’t into sports. That is totally fine – I just got fully into basketball this year. But, so that you can better understand the ideas I am sharing with you, I will catch you up on his story really quickly:

The rise of Jeremy Lin, a professional basketball player currently playing in the NBA, is one of the most captivating success stories that I have seen in media. To witness someone going from being a relative unknown to the absolute apex of popularity in his or her field (within the time frame of a week) is pretty amazing. We're used to this when it comes to the YouTube viral videos of the world, but you don't just become good at sports overnight. You can, however, become popular with the national media and the general masses. But why? 

What has made this story explode, and what allows me (by no means a sports journalist) to have any sort of license to offer advice based upon it, is the back-story of Lin's journey. The characteristics and circumstances of his rise to the top are pretty unique:

• He graduated from Harvard University (not traditionally a school from where NBA players develop).
• He is the first Taiwanese-American to play in the NBA.
• He was not selected in the NBA Draft.
• He was cut by two teams that had previously signed him.
• He spent time in what essentially be the Junior Varsity of the NBA (called the NBDL or d-league).
• He was almost cut by the New York Knicks before getting an opportunity to start for the team.
• He has led his team to six straight victories (some without their two best players) and is the focal point of pretty much every sports outlet right now. 

These are the things that I find most fascinating about sports: the stories, the unexpected, the hard work, the dedication, the teamwork, the people. Because I think there is a lot to learn. And I think any student striving for success can learn something from this story - some might say "three" things ;)

1. Opportunity requires patience and readiness --  This particular story is great because of the unexpected nature of the phenomenon.  There wasn’t a lead-up moment where sports pundits said, “Alright, now it is time for Jeremy Lin to be a superstar.”  And honestly, I would bet, judging from interviews like this one on ESPN, that Lin himself didn’t expect the opportunity to arise when it did.  

But the opportunity did. And it only did because of that perseverance – the kind of perseverance that reminds us that we can’t always write our own timelines – but that patience can be rewarded if we continue to push forward. 

A reminder - this guy earned an economics degree from Harvard – it isn’t like he couldn’t have abandoned the NBA dream and moved into a career elsewhere.  

But he possessed an intense readiness – and when the opportunity presented itself, he applied those skills he had developed. Imagine if he hadn’t been prepared. If he hadn't, I imagine that none of us non-hard-core sports fans would even know his name.

But we do – because of his patience and preparedness.

Are you focused on your dreams and prepared for when opportunity presents itself? Do you ever feel like giving up because it seems like things are going nowhere? Success only comes to those who push through the times when it feels like nothing is happening. It's called patience, and it's hard work. 

2. Confidence can amplify hard work – Being confident in yourself is important. But what is really amazing is what can happen when others believe in you. 

One of the things that is amazing about Jeremy Lin’s story is that momentum continues to build and build.

And as that momentum builds, Lin’s success seems to develop some sort of self-fulfilling prophecy. 

People believe that he is going to save his team from mediocrity – and he is drawing upon that belief to do so. 

Always be on the lookout for your cheering squad, and don't be afraid to seek them out (e.g. mentors). Surround yourself with those who believe in you and draw upon that belief that motivate you to work hard. 

3. Genuine character is magnetic in any field – I watched highlights of a game the other night in which Lin hit a shot in the last second to beat the Toronto Raptors.  And the crowd went insane.

What’s so special about that?

The game was in Toronto.

I doubt that Lin was cheered the entire game – in fact – I am sure that he was booed or jeered just like any other star player in another town. 

But, at the end of the game, it seemed the crowd had no choice but to cheer. 

And it wasn’t just because the guy is playing his sport well.  It certainly wasn’t the first time someone has beaten a team in the last second. 

But there is an authentic humility with Lin; there is an authentic positive, encouraging, and self-aware character. And there is a teammate. In every interview I have seen with Jeremy Lin, he has used collective verbiage whenever referring to success: our, we, this team, our coach tells us…

And that leadership resounds.  It is infectious.  And it can teach us another lesson:

Let people recognize your efforts for you; you don’t have to place yourself on a pedestal in order to relish in your successes. 

Instead, by showing humility, you will find that there are others (not everyone at every time) who will want to help carry you even higher. 

And those are the supporters who will be with you throughout your journey, win or lose. 

If this advice interested you, remember to mark your calendars for March 15th, 2012, when my book, Community College Success, will be published by Norlights Press and will be available on Amazon.com.  It was inspired by a couple of other people who came to New York to make a life for themselves - my grandparents who moved to NYC from Puerto Rico :) 

How to get a quick confidence boost

There is nothing like a good confidence boost on a Monday. I don’t know about you – but I need it often.

There are so many things in life that can get us down, and yet it seems we are the ones who tear ourselves down the most.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

Do you ever feel inferior? Do you ever wake up on a Monday morning and wonder – am I good enough?

This happens to me more than I care to admit. Especially when you decide to put yourself out there, try your hardest, and give your life everything you’ve got – there are moments when you just wonder if it’s going to work. 

There are times when you wonder if you can really do what you set out to do. There are times when you wonder if you have what it takes.

We all need a little reminder. And while there is almost nothing better than having a person in your life who gives you that encouragement when you need it, we cannot rely on others for our self-esteem. It is too fragile that way.

I watched the movie The Help (based on my favorite book by Kathryn Stockett) this weekend for the second time, and the same moment made me cry. It is the moment at the end when the maid Aibileen tells the little girl she’s practically raised “you is smart, you is kind, you is important” one last time before she leaves (after being fired). Aibileen says earlier in the movie that in her work she learned how to “help little children feel proud of theyselves.”

And when she tells that little girl those three phrases for the last time it hits me right in the gut. Because I think about how many people grow up never hearing that they are kind, smart, and important. I think about how many people walk through their lives feeling like they’re not good enough.

Do you ever feel that way?

It’s not an easy thing to fix, but it is something you can control.

So the next time you are feeling like you just aren’t good enough for whatever it is you are trying to achieve in your life, look yourself in the mirror and say “You are kind. You are smart. You are important.” Try it right now. It feels good. 

And then be kind today. Find things to do that make you feel smart - the things that you’re best at. Act like you are important even when you don’t feel like it. 

And I’m not talking about the kind of entitled importance that those with the lowest self-esteem try to fake. I’m talking about the kind of importance that allows you to put others before yourself, to encourage others often, and to be more focused on making others feel important than worrying about yourself.

But it must start with you. Look in that mirror this morning and tell yourself that you are kind, you are smart, you are important. Keep saying it until you believe it.

Because if more people truly believed that about themselves, we would have a lot less problems in our world.  

And if anything, know that I believe it of you.

You are kind. You are smart. And you are important.