Screens and Faces: The Lost Art of Conversation

So I finally got my first smart phone this week. I know I know, I’m behind. WAY behind. I always have been when it comes to technology, and not out of ignorance, but by choice. Why? Because I love face-to-face conversations and technology always seemed to be this sharp ax that just slowly but surely chipped away at human interaction.

I once had e-mail on my phone in college and I found myself looking down at my phone while walking from class to class. And I’d reply back to e-mails while sitting and waiting for class to start. Everyone else was doing this too, so I figured it wasn’t a big deal.

But then I kind of realized that instead I could have been talking to people. I started to get lonely and realized I wasn’t making much effort to socialize (effort that must be made especially if you are a commuter college student) and got the internet taken off my phone.

And it did help. I was focused on my surroundings more. I had time to think, to ponder, to marinate ideas. And I talked more. To people. Face to face.

Speaking of face, I just watched The Social Network (which is fantastic) this week so I’ve been thinking a lot about Facebook and all the ways technology does connect us. For example I’ve reunited with old best friends from 2^nd grade and have found through the ebb and flow of Facebook identity sharing that we’d probably still be best friends if we hadn’t moved away.

Through the internet I’ve learned and researched thousands of new concepts and ideas, have been led to meet with inspiring people, and have had the opportunity to share my own thoughts through this blog.

I could go on and on about all of the ways technology serves our human connections. But when that technology is attached to our bodies via our phones, it has great potential to hinder the focus we have during a conversation with another person.

I’m sure like me you probably talk to people every single day and your eyes are not literally glued to your phone. However, how many times have you been talking with someone and that little ding of a text makes your eyes shift from their face to your screen? How many times do you think you could have gotten into an incredible conversation but it was diverted due to that technological pull? 

I know it has happened to me.

And while I’m sure like me you talk to people every day, how often do you have an actual conversation? An uninterrupted time where you sit face-to-face with someone and simply talk, share your ideas, share your lives, laugh, and uncover some new treasure of knowledge from that person’s experience?

During my spring break I had the opportunity (and the time) to rediscover the power and the magic of these kinds of conversations. They renewed my spirit and unleashed fresh motivation, desire, and a hunger for more human connection.

So this morning’s blog is dedicated to those people who turned off their phones and had a conversation with me. Those people who made this week one of the best of my life. Those people who shared themselves.

My challenge to you this week is to turn off your phone once in a while and make time to just talk with people. And be sure to listen too. Nothing will ever replace the art of face-to-face human connection, and the more and more our world advances technologically (and it happens fast…I was at the mall this week and saw for the first time the huge production that is lining up at the Mac store for the latest and greatest) the more of an effort we will have to make to not lose this vital aspect of who we are.

Conversation elevates, inspires, motivates, develops, and changes us. And college is one of the most important times to have these conversations. But don’t ever stop.

Because every conversation will often lead to an important lesson, idea, or a connection that will inspire. Below are some of the lessons and epiphanies I had during some of my favorite conversations this week:

*Sometimes the nicest people really do get the success they deserve; a positive, friendly, and humble attitude really does go far (Convo with Ashley McCormick, the most amazing photographer in the world).

*There are people out there who have passion to create community in places where there is none. Who want to bring art and music and gardening and sustainability to people who don’t seem to care. People who instinctively know that middle school students who are “bad” should not be locked in a room all day. People who give the guy at Panera her cup so he won’t have to waste another one. It’s all about passion, belief, and simple, small, daily change. That is where greatness comes from (Convo with Valerie, my middle school and high school best friend).

*It’s never too late to start a new adventure, and why not create a business from what you love? (Convos with Rose and my Mom).

*Jump even if you are afraid (Convo with the 13-year-old Canadian boy we met zip lining).

*Meeting successful young women is truly inspiring. Especially when they are incredibly gracious and despite their busy and demanding schedule make you feel like you are the most important person in the world. It’s almost impossible to find good role models in today’s celebrity-obsessed culture. I found one this week. (Convo with Kristin Harmel, incredible author and reporter – find and read her amazing books here!)

*Failure is the only path to success. If you aren’t failing then you must not be trying hard enough. And the only way to reach your ideal is to give your all wherever you are. And remember that when you are young and fresh out of college you probably will be an intern or an assistant or some “low” job on the totem poll. Embrace it and make the most of it because those who do will be those for whom doors of opportunity will open (Convo with Creative Manager who has worked with Paul McCartney and Ringo Star).

These nuggets of wisdom and inspiration have fueled me this week. And they all started with two people sitting down (sometimes with a cup of coffee, a cake pop, or a delicious dirty chai tea - thanks for that discovery Val) and talking – without interruptions.

Try it this week. Invite someone to hang out via Facebook or text right now. You’ll be amazed at what you learn about him/her, about yourself, and about the world. 

Exchange ideas. Exchange kindness. Exchange words. And above all, listen deeply.  

Spring Break – How to Fix it

I saw Wicked for the first time this weekend and it was one of the single best experiences of my life. 

Ones that compare would have to be my trips to England and Kauai. It’s that magical feeling and inspiration that comes from a new experiences of sight, sound, color, and feeling. And I appreciated that inspiration much more during this time in my life as so much of it is consumed with work. It is so easy to fall into routine and put the fun, new, and sometimes expensive experiences in your back pocket for some far off mysterious later time in your life when you will have the time and money. 

And yet I find that people who wait until they have the time or money wait forever.

Now I’m not saying you should drop out of school and go into debt to travel the world. But I am saying that you should take advantage of the free time you are offered in college – such as spring break – and invest in yourself by engaging in new experiences. 

At this time in life, especially if you grew up in a small little area of the world for most of your life like me, there are still so many things you don’t know about or haven’t experienced.  And there is nothing more exhilarating than discovering new aspects of this world – especially those aspects that interest you in particular.

For me, it is theater, beaches, small pubs that sell tea, jacket potatoes, and scones in England, bookstores, roller coasters, and nature adventures like rappelling and zip lining.

What about you? If you are like me when I was in community college, you probably aren’t really sure. You probably think you don’t have the money for that kind of stuff and that during spring, summer, and winter break you’ll need to pick up extra shifts at work just to help make ends meet, let alone have some fun.

Or maybe you’re like the people who think spring break is about the age-old tradition of college debauchery. I’m all about fun, but don’t waste your life or your brain cells trying to fit into this idea of college wastefulness. There is so much more to experience.

Or maybe you’re that community college student who lives at home and just hangs around the house or at the same places with the same friends for those 5 days off.

Don’t be those people. Be spontaneous. Be adventurous. Do something you never thought you would do. This is the time to do it. This is the time to invest in new experiences. Because guess what, from what I’ve learned so far, when you finally “have the money” to do the things you’ve always wanted to do, you probably won’t have the time.

I’m lucky enough that I work at a college so I’m still afforded some of the benefits of time. And so for my spring break I am taking my own advice. While I cannot travel out of the country this week, I am taking this time to explore new things in my very own backyard. I’ve always wanted to go zip lining and found most courses were up north or in Costa Rica. And then I found one just an hour and a half away. So I grabbed a friend and we are going to go flying through the trees this week.

What trees have you always wanted to fly through? What places or things have you always wanted to explore. Just like I ask you when it comes to your dreams and your goals, I ask again…

What are you waiting for?

Traditional university students are typically encouraged to travel and often do so since they live on campus and are able to build these groups of friends who put together road trips or adventures together. Many also have the luxury of not having to work during college.

Most community college students do not have that luxury.

However.

Do not let that be your excuse. Do not let your lack of money keep you from growing and experiencing new adventures. You are worth it. During this formative time in your life it is absolutely necessary that you begin to explore new things and stretch yourself.

So I challenge you to do something exciting this spring break. Plan a road trip with friends. Consider traveling abroad or volunteering abroad.

Just go.

Traveling is not that expensive for students and it is completely worth it. A 10-day trip on the traveling abroad website above for one person is well under $2,000. Take out extra loans if you have to and just invest in yourself. The inspiration you draw from such experiences is vital to growing and developing and finding the motivation to achieve your academic and career goals. If you think your time in college is only about classes and a degree you are sorely mistaken.

In community college, however, it seems most just go to class and get a degree. Choose to be different. Choose to grasp onto the entire college experience early. And make the most of your time off of class to grow and learn in other ways.

I know you probably still have a billion excuses running through your head right now about why you cannot travel or explore new things.  About how you have to work. About how you don’t have the money. That is the song of the lower middle class. It is the song that you will be singing for the rest of your life unless you change your tune now. Trust me, I know that when you grow up poor it is really hard to understand the nature of investment. That often you need to spend first to receive. 

And I have learned that an initial investment in the right stock – YOU – will yield priceless riches of growth, experience, and inspiration.

“I’m through accepting limits

Cause someone says there so

Some things I cannot change

But till I try I’ll never know…

It’s time to try

Defying gravity

I think I’ll try

Defying gravity

And you can’t pull me down”

- Defying Gravity, from Wicked The Musical

The Transfer Transformation

I transferred from community college to a university I dyed my hair blonde.

This wasn't the best look for me, but I was compelled to try. Why? Because I was going through an identity crisis/transformation when I transferred. 

Have you ever noticed that celebrities, or maybe even your friends, tend to alter their physical appearance after a breakup or after they get married? Ashley Simpson just got a divorce and chopped off all her hair and dyed it blonde. Vanessa Ann Hudgens and Zack Efron recently split and she just got a tattoo. Simple and shallow, maybe,but it is also deeply psychological. 

When I transferred from community college to a private school I had a hard time getting adjusted. Everyone at this new school had been living together for 2 years by the time I arrived. They also still lived together while I commuted 30 minutes there and back every day. And most of all, most of them were rich.

I'll never forget sitting down in my first class and trying to strike up a conversation with this sweet blonde girl in my class. We started talking about our majors and what we wanted to do, and her dream was to work for Chanel Makeup. At the time I didn't even know Chanel had makeup, and it seemed absurd that such a fancy purse brand would be able to hike the price of makeup just to slap two opposite C's on it (okay so last week I bought Chanel nail polish but it was the only nail polish in the department store and it was an emergency).

But I'll never forget how simply out of touch and out of place I felt in that moment. Once she mentioned Chanel I had nowhere else to go with the conversation. Me, who started up countless conversations in every community college class I had. Now all of a sudden here I was with these kids whose parents were doctors and pilots, who had designer purses and internships already lined up. And I couldn't relate. 

So unconsciously I dyed my hair blonde in order to fit in. This was all I did. I didn't join a sorority or stay out late or do things I shouldn't. I just dyed my hair. And then dyed it back a semester later because it just wasn't me. But as I've hoped you've figured out now this isn't about hair color. It's about adjusting to new life situations and managing and maintaining your identity so that you grow and not wither. 

I almost withered when I transferred but I soon found my place, re-established my identity, and made the most of my experience. 

When I graduated and moved on to my first real job, however, I actually did wither. Like Ashley Simpson I chopped off all my long hair that I loved so much and started wearing suits. The over-achiever that I was I read books about how to be and dress professional and I followed the rules exactly. The rules said you needed to not be so girly and be more masculine. So I put away my flowered blouses and started wearing loafers and pants and cut off all my hair. And I was bored and I missed myself. 

I can't remember exactly when or how it happened, but one day I realized that pants suits just weren't me. I realized I could still express myself and reach my professional goals. I didn't have to compromise that much; and if I wasn't feeling happy or confident, how could I be expected to bring my best ideas and creativity to my work?

So while I couldn't go back to the bright sun dresses and eclectic gladiator sandals that I wore in college, I started growing my hair out. And wearing flowered blouses. And dresses. Skirts. And heels. And I felt like myself again. 

The inspiration came for this post after browsing Facebook (I call it browsing...not stalking) and seeing a few of my favorite transfer students from both my tutoring days and my community college work who had altered their looks. One of my favorite old smartie-pants tutoring students started wearing these big glasses. Another started dressing a bit more urban. And the other chopped off all her hair. 

I think it's fun to explore new looks and reconsider your identity now and again. In fact, it is crucial for growth and development. However, especially as you transfer to different colleges, move, change jobs, or start or end new relationships, you want to make sure that the identities you create are yours and yours alone. Deep down you will know when the change is for someone or something else. And you will know when you look in the mirror when you really feel like yourself. 

So my challenge for you today is simple: wear something nice that makes you feel like you to school or work today. Though it may seem shallow, how you look can often reflect how you feel, and how you feel can reflect how you interact and perform. Try dressing nice to school every day - especially during test days - and notice how you feel and act. And also, don't do anything too drastic when you transfer. 

And finally for my greatest pearl of wisdom that you will ever receive in this blog --> Wait at least a semester before dying your hair blonde :)

Prioritizing Heart, Mind, & Life

I started writing this mornings post 3 times on 3 different topics and realized I couldn’t quite get in the zone because I am so overwhelmingly busy. So now I am deciding to just write very genuinely what is on my mind.

Lately my life has been incredibly exciting, but also insanely busy. I can honestly say this month has been the busiest of my life, and so far there is no end in sight.

My apartment is a mess, I still haven’t unpacked from the past 2 weekend’s trips, and I’m weirdly tired a lot. However, a lot of great things have been happening and so I have to remind myself that this is just a phase and I will eventually have time to clean my house and read some of the books that are sitting on my nightstand. Until then, I sometimes feel like I am in this survival mode, and I really want to break out.

I started last night by running, which I hadn’t done in a while. And I took Sunday to simply relax. Now it’s way too early on Monday morning and I made a list of everything I have to do this morning before work. #1 Blog. #2 Vlog. #3 Grad school HW, #4 Review presentations for work today.

Cleaning still hasn’t made it on the list yet.

And while I absolutely hate having a messy apartment, I have let the house go at the expense of things that are much more important to me, such as speaking at the Dream Gala, writing my book, and spending time with my husband.

It’s all about priorities, and while sometimes prioritizing means some things simply get left behind, that is when prioritizing is most important. 

Because when you get into those super-crazy-life-is-so-busy modes, you are in danger of leaving the important things behind.

So how do you make sure you do not leave what is important behind? How do you decide what is important? Often, I work with students who say they put school first, but often the way they spend their time proves otherwise. And what I see worst of all, is that many students prioritize grades and studying above sleep and health. Not good. Not necessary.

While a good study habit is to carve out a few hours in the library to study and prioritize all of the HW you have to do that day, another important life habit is to have a list of priorities so you know how to act and how to spend your time when things get hectic.

Every one’s priority lists are going to be very different and uniquely personal. However, a few things to consider:

• If you don’t sleep well you will get sick and your mental capacities will be weakened.
• When you are sick nothing else matters, and you don’t have the full energy to get things done.
• If you get the best grades and achieve monetary success, will it matter if you alienate the people you care about?
• If you have tons of friends but end up with poor grades and working in a mediocre boring job, will it be worth the time spent 8 hours/day in misery?
• If your house is a disaster but it means you had a wonderful weekend with your husband after not seeing him for 2 weekends in a row, is it worth it?  For me, the answer is a resounding Yes.

These are not easy decisions to make. Especially when you are in the eye of the “busy” storm, it is hard to prioritize, as we seem to think whatever is the most imminent is the priority. But living like that will never help you reach your goals.

Take a step back today and think about your true-life priorities. Now think about how you are spending your time today. Do they coincide? If they don’t, start thinking about how to change your routine and refocus your life so that you are putting your energy towards the things that matter most, and learning to let go of the things that just aren’t as important.

And on this Valentine’s Day, especially if you are feeling sad and single, remember that college is such an exciting and formative time in your life, and too often students let the drama of relationships impede their experience and future success.  Look at all the relationships in your life and be thankful for the ones that lift you up and make you better every day. If they don’t, you should seriously consider why you let them in your life.

The heart especially must be guided with priorities. Because sometimes it can mess you up big time.

Not to be a downer on Valentines Day, but I am speaking from my heart <3 

Happy Valentines Day. 

Super Bowl-Style Momentum Shift

So, I have to be completely honest with you. I sat down to write Monday’s post during the Super Bowl, and turned to Jeremy and said “I don’t know what to write about – I did and said so much during the conference that I feel kind of drained” (and of course the Halftime show didn’t do much to inspire either).  Jeremy thought for a half a second and then said one word – “momentum.” 

Momentum is exactly what I need to keep in mind right now. For those of you that haven’t seen the videos below, I have been away at a Student State Government conference for the past few days and had an incredible time, as I do at almost any student-centered retreat where learning and leadership are the goals. 


However, like many exciting and inspirational experiences that take place away from home, sometimes when you get back you forget or put aside all of the new ideas you had during your new experience.

And sadly, eventually, no matter how great you felt during a motivational speech, or what notes you took during an educational session, without momentum, those ideas will die.

There’s something I haven’t mentioned yet. When I started to write this post – I mean the second I typed the first letter of the first paragraph – the Super Bowl announcer came on and said “..…momentum shift.” And thus a blog title born and a topic confirmed. Fate.

Oddly enough a momentum shift is exactly what happens during great conferences and any other moment in life when you realize that you want to start channeling your energy in new directions. Having that momentum shift in your head is nothing short of transformative, and is absolutely vital for growth. 

And yet, just as football players often visualize winning a Super Bowl before they step on the field, the visualization is important, but it’s what happens after that mental shift that makes all the difference. It’s how you play the game. 

What are the steps you need to take today, right now, to complete your momentum shift? What ideas have started to blossom in your head and change your perspectives? It’s time to fully change your momentum. Don’t let the day-to-day get in the way of what you know you are supposed to do with the new knowledge and epiphanies you've gained.

As the announcer just said again, this very second (no joke) – “the momentum has totally shifted.”

It’s your turn. Even if you feel like you’re down in life by 2 proverbial touchdowns, choose to completely shift your momentum and direct all your talents where deep down you know they are supposed to go.

Get in the game.

(P.S. I can’t end this blog without reveling in the fact that I have written 2 posts in a row using football as a metaphor. To put it in perspective, just a few days ago I had to ask Jeremy to explain to me again what things like “3^rd and 13” mean. So thank you for helping me discover ways to appear to be athletically competent).