The #1 way to make a bad first impression

I recently heard a speaker say it takes fifteen good impressions to fix one bad first impression.

I don't know about you, but I believe that 100%. 

And recently I have noticed this one thing people do frequently to make a bad first impression. I must warn you, once you know this, you will start seeing it everywhere.

Are you ready? The #1 way to make a bad first impression, every time, is to open with:

unsolicited advice. 

In my book and in much of my networking advice, I explain that what works best to establish a first impression is to tell someone how much you admire them, why you care about their work, or how much you appreciate what they do. 

That tactic has gotten me and the dozens of other students I've mentored meetings with executives from the White House, Disney, the NBA, The New York Time, etc. 

But you know what never works? 

Yep, you guessed it: unsolicited advice. Which is, in short, telling someone what you think they need to change, how they need to do something better, or why you know something they don't. 

Have you ever posted something casual on Facebook and had that one random person give you some kind of advice or feedback when you weren't asking? It's awkward. It's uncomfortable. And, regardless of the correctness of the advice, it gives you a bad feeling towards that person.

You don't want to be that person. 

If you're number one concern is being right, putting forth your opinion to everyone, and making sure you are telling people what they need to do, then, well, unsolicited advice just might be for you. Just know that you will sacrifice the ability to network effectively.

When someone gives advice to a person who didn't ask, it's frankly a bit insulting. There is no way around it. Unless it's in the context of a mentorship relationship, professor-student relationship, boss-employee relationship, or close family/friend relationship where you already have a strong foundation of trust, it's an instant relationship-ruiner.

Especially when it comes to first impressions.

So if you ever feel the need to give someone advice that they didn't ask you for, ask yourself these questions before you proceed:

1) Do I have a strong foundation of trust with this person?
2) If I don't say what I'm about to say will this person get into serious harm?
3) Is this person going to appreciate me giving this advice? 

If the answers are yes, go ahead. But if they're not, just say no to unsolicited advice.

(And, to be honest, even my husband and I joke about the unsolicited advice we give each other, because it still drives us crazy!)

Instead, the best way to build good first impressions in your networking and personal relationships is to think about how you can give unsolicited positive feedback. Nothing will endear people to you more. 

Overachievers Action Item

Think about how you feel when someone gives you a compliment on Facebook. Today instead of just "liking" your favorite pictures and comments on your newsfeed, comment and compliment generously. And then watch what happens. :)

What NOT to do when networking

With only about 30% of all jobs posted online, networking is the best way to get a job. And as I share in my book, the best way to network as a college student is to ask professionals you admire for advice. The formula is pretty simple:

1. Say why you admire them.
2. Ask to meet with them for 10-15min to learn more about them & their job.
3. Leave an easy way for them to make the appointment. 

I've used this formula over and over again. From winning a $110,000 scholarship to now being able to live my dreams working from home, the mentors I found through my career center, mutual friends, and social media changed my life. 

However, now that I have progressed in my professional career, I am now on the other end of those e-mails, with students asking me for help and professionals asking me for business. 

Most of the e-mails I get from students are genuine asks for help, and I love nothing more than carving out 10 minutes of my day to e-mail them back a heartfelt answer.

But there are some e-mails that don't warm my heart. There are some that are just plain annoying. And trust me - you do not want to be one of the annoying people when it comes to building relationships. Because whether or not that person can help you get a job right away, you never know how they could affect your professional life in the long term. 

Below are the worst types of e-mails I get. I wish I could show you examples of the ones I receive, but I can't because these types of e-mails get deleted immediately. You do not want to be one of these people:

1. The Generic. These are the form e-mails that people send out in mass, without any personalization. Something like "Hi friend - I've read your blog and I think you would love for me to write an article for it as I have a lot to say about your topic." 

Any e-mail sent in mass is not worth sending. Personalize any e-mail request you ever send to a specific person. Use their name, and do your research so you have something unique to say to show them you care about who they are and what they do. 

2. The Me Me Me. These are the e-mails that devote a few words to the recipient of the e-mail, and then go on and on about themselves and their work and what they want. They share too much about their accomplishments just for the sake of it, and by the end of the e-mail you can tell they've never actually done any research on you, have any interest in what you do, and are just trying to get something from you and benefit from the work you have already done. They seem like they are trying to take a short cut.

Getting advice is a short cut, the best kind, but you can never seem like you're trying to take an easy route. The way to avoid this is to dedicate 90% of your e-mail to genuinely complimenting the person you want advice from on their work. If you can't do that, then you're e-mailing the wrong person.

3. The Too Much Too Soon. This is the kind of e-mail where someone asks for a huge favor before taking the time to get to know someone first. You can't e-mail a stranger and ask them to edit five scholarship essays for you. Your first encounter should be for the sole purpose of you listening to that person and learning from their experience, and for no longer than 15 minutes (unless they insist they can spend more time with you). 

The more a person talks in a conversation, the better he or she feels afterwards; studies show that the person who talks the most rates the conversation the highest. So when you're networking initially, ask lots of questions and let other people talk about themselves. You will make them feel great, and when they feel great about the conversations they have with you, they will want to bend over backwards to help you. 

In short, the longer you spend building a genuine relationship with a person, the more vibrant and beneficial your relationship will be. 

There are no "vegas weddings" in networking. Real networking happens over time, and feels more like friendship than a business exchange. 

Proud CC grad starts non-profit to help CC students build networks

You know you've found a mover and a shaker when you see someone with three jobs on the "current" section of their LinkedIn profile, with "founder" being one of those three titles. Jean Schindler is one such mover and shaker, and she is a proud community college graduate. 

Inspired by her community college experience, Jean is the co-founder of Emergent Leaders Network, an incredible non-profit dedicated to helping community college students become leaders by providing scholarships, networking opportunities, and mentors. 

In high school Jean was home schooled, and when she graduated, her anti-establishment parents said "ah you don't need to go to college." Jean's parents were intelligent and self-educated - going to the library was a weekly family tradition. 

But Jean wanted to go to college. She found it difficult to get many 4-year institutions to recognize her high school grades, so her parents encouraged her to try one class at community college. Jean enrolled at Glendale Community College in California. 

"Community college saved me from falling between the cracks."

Jean owes a lot of her success to getting involved outside the classroom right away: "I was always interested in international relations and politics, and got involved in Model UN on campus, after my professor - who was also the Model UN advisor - told me to get involved." 

Jean attended four Model UN conferences and served as the leader of her team in her final year at GCC. 

Seeing her dedication, another professor encouraged her to transfer to an internship with the US State department. "I didn't think I could get it because I was from community college. My professor believed in me and told me to apply anyway."

"I couldn't believe it when I got the internship! That really shifted my perspective in understanding what I was eligible for. I could compete with these so-called 'smart kids.'"

Jean was a smart kid. Community college kids are smart kids. The idea that open-admissions means less-smart is what inspired me to start this blog in the first place. It's a stereotype that is - as Jean understood -  so incredibly wrong. 

Jean also got involved in student government at GCC: "It made me so much more aware of the resources available. I ended up with a lot of scholarship money because we also had a great scholarship office. I transferred to UCLA with no debt and was able to pay for most of the first year at UCLA, including study abroad!"

Jean graduated with her Bachelor's degree from UCLA in 2005 and worked for a year doing research for a professor who was writing a book on intelligence reform after 9/11.

"One day on campus I saw a sign that said ‘do you want to teach English for a summer in China?' I decided to just show up. It turned out the opportunity was with Tsinghua University (known as the MIT of China). They would pay for the airplane ticket, provide housing, feed you every day, and give you a stipend! I was like 'are you sure this is legitimate?' It seemed too good to be true."

"But I realized it was legit, I applied, I got in, and I went to China! It was another step in being aware of international policy careers and international affairs."

After China, Jean moved to London and got her Master's in International History from the London School of Economics and Political Science, and did a fellowship in South Korea. 

Today, Jean is Publications Director for a major non-profit that provides over 120 million dollars in grants per year to support democratic freedom in over 90 countries. 

And she never forgot her community college roots. "For years my close friend and I talked about establishing scholarships at our alma mater, Glendale Community College. But as our conversations evolved we realized there were so many other things we wished we had known in community college - those first few years are so critical!" 

"We realized having networks where students can talk to other professionals are really key. Networking is not about business card exchanges. It’s about understanding who someone is, how they fit into the larger picture, how you can connect them, and how can you help them. It’s really about relationship building."  

So two years ago Jean and her friend Daniella Foster started the non-profit Emergent Leaders Network (ELN) to provide micro-scholarships and round-table networking discussions for community college students in their local areas. 

Initially, they will give out four $250 scholarships at Glendale Community College, and have already held successful roundtable events - the first in Washington DC with a panel of local entrepreneurs and students from Northern Virginia Community College and the newly established University of the District of Columbia Community College. 

First ELN Entrepreneurship panel

In the future, ELN hopes to partner with interested faculty and staff or SGA's in community colleges across the nation to provide them with free tools, resources, support, and local networks to establish roundtable discussion events on their community college campus. 

Jean has a beautiful vision: "Once the staff member is on board, there would be a cohort of students who meet together and have these round tables and invite other students, and create this network among colleges. The goal is to  connect students to people in their community who can offer job and career advice."

And as always, I had to ask this incredibly successful community college graduate for her advice for you: 

"Start slow with your goals -  it’s about making small modifications in your habits. For example, when you go to a networking event, you don’t have to set a goal to shake hands with everyone in the room. Just start by showing up!"

"Half the time there are things students hear about, that sound interesting, but they don't go because it is inconvenient or it seems intimidating. Just go, even if you stand in the back of the room."

"Also - always think of a question to ask the speaker at the end. The best place to meet engaged people is the circle around the speaker after the event. Ask the people waiting to talk to the speaker a question too - you will make great connections."

And did I mention Jean is a very proud community college graduate? "So many students go to community college now, and yet so few actually list their community college on their resume!" More advice from Jean, and from me - list your community college on your resume. 

Never forget where you come from, and whenever you can - even if it's just a few bucks or your advice - think about ways to give back to your community college once you graduate. Jean is such a wonderful inspiration on how to do just that. 

You can also follow Jean and ELN on Facebook and Twitter. 

Three emails to send to your professor now that class is over

When I wrote Community College Success, one of the things that motivated me was the amazing support and direction that the professors in my life – especially those at my community college – gave me as I worked my way through college.

But that support didn’t come accidentally. And while some professors reached out to me on the journey, many of the connections that I made (that led me to scholarships and other opportunities) developed when I reached out to my instructors.

And while it isn’t a one-time-thing or quick fix, a great way to start to develop and further your relationship with professors is the end-of-course email.

So once you have finished your class and received your grade (you don’t want to do this before final grades so as to avoid looking like you are trying to influence your final grade) you have several options to send a quick (yet powerful) email your professors.

Check them out below and choose the option that best fits your scenario - and start to make those priceless and genuine connections with your professors. 

1. If you like the grade that you earned in your class, let the professor know that you really appreciated the content and explain what exactly you liked about the class. Professors appreciate feedback – especially when it comes to letting them know what engages students in the classroom. This can be a great way to begin to build a relationship with a professor that will lead into next semester.

2. If you didn’t like your grade, say thank you for a great class, express your disappointment in yourself – and try to set up an appointment to meet with the professor during summer or in the fall to ask advice for how to improve in the future. This is particularly useful if you’ll need to build on that subject for your major (e.g. English/writing, math/science). This isn’t easy. It will require bravery, but I think that if you are paying for college in order to learn, you have to make yourself get the most out of your subjects. And that certainly goes for subjects that you might struggle with. 

3. Finally, if it was a class that genuinely interested you, regardless of what your grade was, say thank you for the class and ask for advice on what work or volunteer opportunities might be available for that field or subject. Professors often have ventures and connections related to the subject that they teach – sending this email could open up doors for you that you didn’t even know existed. At the very least, you are showing interest to a professor who might be one you ask for a recommendation letter when you transfer.

Regardless of which email you decide to send, or if you use a combination of the ones above, remember that developing true, authentic relationships with your professors can be a good way to help with your recommendation letters and scholarship opportunities in the future. And in many cases (like mine) a good relationship with a professor can change the course of your life.

You will never know what is out there if you don’t take the opportunity to connect – so take a few minutes right now to reach out and send those emails. 

Good luck and keep it up in your future semesters! 

For more advice on how to talk with professors, I highly recommend Say This, NOT That To Your Professor by Ellen Bremen. 

A must-do for before the end of your semester

Most of you are wrapping up your spring semesters in the next few weeks; and like the end to any spring semester, your focus turns to your finals, finishing that last paper, and of course, the what-to-dos of the summer break ahead of you:

• Should I take summer classes?
• Is my manager going to give me more hours over the summer?
• Is setting my alarm clock for two in the afternoon too early for the summer?

And while those questions are all important (I will talk more about them in the next few weeks) and have answers that will depend on the individual (aside from the alarm clock – wake up early even over the summers), you still have a few weeks left to accomplish something important before your spring classes end.

That something is to build continuity with your peer and professorial relationships that will take you into the next school year.

Building relationships takes time and continuous effort, and it's those who make the effort when things are the busiest who will see the greatest results. 

Here are a few ideas you can implement during these final weeks to maintain these vital relationships and even help you succeed on your exams:

For Peers

• Invite classmates to a study group to review for final exams. 
• If you have a final paper due in the class, offer to switch papers with someone and do a peer edit of each other’s work. 
• Hang out with someone from class before the semester ends; the chances of you staying friends over the summer will go way up if you do so. 
• Simply ask someone about his/her summer plans and use that as a conversation starter.

For Professors

• I can’t say this enough – use their office hours.
• If the class has been a pleasant experience, write the professor a genuine thank you email.
•  If the professor teaches a subject that interests you, make an appointment to ask them if they know any opportunities for internships in that field.
• Ask any professor you admire for transfer advice.

These ideas aren’t rocket-science (well, I guess they could technically be if you're taking a physics class), but the point is that simple steps can make a big difference in the networks that you build at your college.

Relationships create opportunities.

That simple friendship you form with someone who is an “in-class friend” can end up being one that can last a summer, a semester, a year, or even into your transfer experience.

And that professor who you ask a question to can be the one who gives you advice that changes your life – simple questions that I asked professors led me to my cc’s honors program, PTK, the JKC scholarship, and winning a surprise $3,000 top graduate award at my transfer university. 

Ask anyone about a success in their lives, and consider your own successes - almost every single one can be traced back to a single person, a single conversation.

The opportunities to build connections are always out there – don’t let them pass you by. Build them first, and then we can get back to that summer alarm clock conundrum ;) 

To read more about Isa's personal story & how you can build relationships to: make positive friends, be more successful in academics and work, find the right people to connect with, and access the hidden job market,grab a FREE e-copy of the first chapter of Community College Success: How to Finish with Friends, Scholarships, Internships, and the Career of Your Dreams! Claim your free copy on the Facebook page!

Negating the negative - the need for positive peers

This is a criticism of magnets.

Because magnets teach us a horrible, horrible lesson:

Something positive needs to pair with something negative.

Baloney, magnets. Baloney.

Here is the reality – you won’t always have control of the people you are around, but you will always have control of the people you surround yourself with.

And you don’t need to follow the rules of magnets. You don't need the negative.

Instead, you need to surround yourself with the positive – peers who will support and uplift you, and who are heading in a direction you respect and admire.

One of the key reasons I share in my book about why students at community colleges need to get involved in their on-campus clubs, organizations, and honors societies is that those peer-support networks offer the opportunity to build a community of positive friends with similar goals and similar levels of engagement.

The deal with growing up and moving towards your goals is understanding that:

1. You have to do the climbing yourself.
2. The people in your life will influence how high you think you can go, and ultimately, how high you will go. 

Your future depends on your ability to make sure that your peers and inner-circle have your best interests in mind, and lift you up 99% more than they pull you down. 

Never stop surrounding yourself with positive people -- those who challenge you intellectually, but support you emotionally, and those who want you to succeed because it inspires their success. Their success should also inspire you.

And remember that sometimes you will have to move on from those in your life who aren't positive - those who don't offer you the kind of support, stimulation, and growth that results from every positive relationship.

Because peers are powerful. And community college is not the 13th grade. It is college. And it is an amazing opportunity to step outside your comfort zone and surround yourself with people who lift you up and move you forward. 

And that might require you to defy the laws of magnets (save them for the fridge), linking positives with positives, watching both of you bolt upwards towards excellence you could have never achieved alone.

How four students turned chance encounters into incredible opportunities (and how you can too)

Picture this: you’re a college student working at an athletic shoe store arriving for a normal shift at work. You’re ringing up purchases, straightening sneakers, and then you offer to help another normal customer. You start up casual conversation as usual, but instead of the conversation turning to whether the customer wants black or brown shoes you find out he has a career very similar to one to which you aspire (e.g. orthopedic surgeon). What do you do?

You can brush by the detail and continue talking about shoes. 

OR. You can tell him you really want to be a radiologist and ask his advice if you are in the right major for what you want to do.

If you do the latter, you will get great advice, build a relationship, and get invited to observe an orthopedic surgery.

How do I know?

Because this week a student - Milva - came bounding into my office saying “Isa – guess what?! I’m going to get to observe a surgery!"

 Now even though I’m squeamish and would never personally want to observe a surgery I leaped for joy because I knew how important this opportunity was for someone interested in the medical field.

And even more than that I was so proud of Milva for taking the chance, making the leap, and having the courage to boldly proclaim her future goals and ask someone for advice.

Because having the skill to ask adults in professions to which you aspire for advice almost always leads to incredible opportunities. Think back to some of your greatest opportunities to date - how many of them evolved from similar “chance” happenings and connections?

But of course – they aren’t simply left up to chance. There are a million ways Milva could have handled the situation. Not to mention if she had no idea what she wanted to do or had at least not made the effort to research a variety of prospective majors she wouldn’t have been able to proclaim to the surgeon that she had similar interests.

And more than just getting to observe a surgery, she now has a possible surgeon mentor and connection. This is huge. Because this is how internships, opportunities, and jobs happen.

And the earlier you can start the better.

Connections and opportunities like these also give you the chance to learn more about your prospective career and decide whether or not it is right for you. If it is, then you have incredible mentors and connections that will guide you towards resources and opportunities that you don’t even know exist right now. 

And if it isn’t, then you get to find out before you’re stuck in a job that wasn’t what you thought it would be.

Are you taking advantage of every opportunity you have to ask others for advice and get to know people in professions that interest you? It will literally change your life.

How do I know? Because it changed mine and I am seeing daily how it is changing the courses and the lives of the students around me.

Edwin (who aspires to be an engineer at Lockheed Martin) was honored at a Hispanic scholarship gala where he met a guy from Lockheed Martin who offered him an internship on the spot.

Jessica wants to be an event planner at Disney and after getting an hourly job at the park doing quick service food she expressed her future aspirations to her manager who arranged for her to job shadow an event planner inside the Cinderella Castle.

Erica wants to be a lawyer and possibly a judge and after volunteering to help with check-in at a big college dinner she checked in a judge. After striking up a conversation she was given the judge’s contact information and e-mailed her a few days later inviting her to lunch in order to ask her advice. Erica now has a mentor who is a judge.

 For some students these stories may not seem like a big deal. Some students know plenty of judges and engineers and surgeons. But if you’re a student like me – a first generation student, a minority student, and/or come from a low-income family – you don’t know people in a lot of professions. You don’t know a lot about these types of jobs. And you don’t have the connections you often need to get ahead.

These students now have these connections and have engaged in incredible experiences that have energized them further towards their goals and have ingratiated them to these professionals. Because as a professional there is nothing more gratifying then having a student truly care about what you do, want to hear your advice, and then actually take it.

So what do you need to do to make these connections? The answers are in the stories, but let me break it down for you as well:

1. Choose a major that you truly find interesting

What all the students above have in common is that they are truly excited about their majors. They have done research, they have asked many people for advice, and they have figured out their personalities and learned what professions really suit their strengths and interests. They are genuinely excited about their futures and their future fields and thus when they meet a professional in that field they can easily hold a conversation because they instantly have something in common with that person – they are both interested in the same thing. 

If you’re truly interested in your major it will be much easier to strike up conversations with strangers who also share that interest. And they will respect you much more than if you’re like “ya I’m majoring in this because, ya it seems like it’ll make money….so…..ya….”

2. Ask people for advice

When in doubt just ask people you meet who have a job or a major you find interesting what advice they might have for you. You will always learn something – and it’s an easy way to break the ice and genuinely connect.

3. Put yourself out there and have courage

All of these students didn’t just sit around waiting for these opportunities to knock on their door. They volunteered for random events, they were involved in student activities, they were student leaders on campus, they were fully present and engaged in their side-jobs, and they all took chances in order to meet the people that they did. Above all, they had courage to speak up and ask for help. And that my friends, sums up my book and everything else I’ll ever tell you – constantly ask for help.

Despite this crazy and often cruel world we live in you’ll be amazed at how many people will bend over backwards to help you if only you genuinely ask. 

Whether you would love to observe a surgery, run a special event in the Cinderella Castle, or anything else in between – most of those opportunities will come from connecting with other people and learning their advice.

You may think today is just another day – but if you’re living your life with some semblance of passionate pursuit you never know who you might meet or where your life might lead. You have to be ready. You have to have courage. And you have to ask.